Here’s a bit of fun I wrote for the quality food and drink awards people that describes which biscuits and cookies you should prefer depending on your star sign. Something for you to chew on.
Taking the Biscuit
Your astrological star sign influences many aspects of your personality including your likes and dislikes – even your taste in biscuits! Marion Williamson, prises the lid off the biscuit tin of the zodiac to see what delights lie inside…
Aries people are ruled by hot-headed, competitive planet Mars. These bold, impatient characters barely have time to chew their food and tend to wolf down their chosen biscuits on the go. They love crunch and convenience – and they like it spicy. As the zodiac’s first Fire sign, they’re the least likely to dunk!
Zodiac biscuits: Ginger Nuts/Belvita
Luxury loving, placid Taureans are ruled by sweet-loving Venus. They take their biscuits seriously, often chewing hypnotically slowly. Traditionalists at heart they prefer well-established brands and the biscuits should look as good as they taste. These possessive characters can be a bit stingy with their sweets, so get stuck in quick – if offered!
Zodiac biscuits: Viennese Sandwich, Chocolate Hob Nobs
Chatty, dual-natured, Gemini people blow hot and cold and see things in black and white. They’re influenced by changeable, jittery planet Mercury, and love a good gossip with friends over a mug of tea and a quality snack – preferably one with two halves.
Zodiac biscuits: KitKat, Oreos
Cancer the Crab is a clingy Moon-ruled sign and a notorious food-hoarder. They’re the most likely sign of the zodiac to own an array of well-stocked biscuit tins with more stashed away in case someone pops round unexpectedly. Tenacious by nature, when Cancerians get their sticky claws into a packet, they find it hard to let go…
Zodiac biscuits: Custard Creams, White Chocolate Fingers
Ostentatious, extravagant, Sun-ruled Leonine biscuits are all about the show. They’re generous with their tea-time treats but be sure to admire the carefully arranged biscuit ensemble, or else you won’t impress your bossy host. Leos like all their possessions to reflect their glamorous fabulousness and biscuits are no exception.
Zodiac biscuits: Empire Biscuit, Florentines, anything new e.g. Leibniz’s new Choco Moments
Modest, workaholic Virgos are ruled by analytical Mercury. Their taste in biscuits is refined, but humble and probably preferred with coffee. This super-organised character rarely has time for a break but, when they do, they like their biscuits light, crisp and portable.
Zodiac biscuit: Lotus Biscoff, Nice
Ruled by Venus the goddess of love, Libra has the sweetest, fluffiest taste in biscuits. The most romantic of signs, Libra loves to share their sweet treats with the people closest to them. But their indecisive nature can make choosing which types to munch a time-consuming challenge.
Zodiac biscuits: Jam Mallows, Pink Wafers
Wilful Scorpios are ruled by intense, broody Pluto. These all-or-nothing characters have strong opinions on biscuits, which tends to veer towards the sophisticated dark chocolate side. Mysterious Scorpios prefer to nibble alone in secret, unless they plan to seduce you.
Zodiac biscuit: Dark Chocolate Gingers/Dark Caramel Wafers
More is more with jovial Jupiter-ruled Sagittarians. They’re generous to a fault and lack discrimination, lavishing their full-on biscuit choices on anyone who comes close to the kettle. Packets are usually bought wholesale.
Zodiac biscuits: Wagon Wheels/Party Rings
Traditional, status-conscious Capricorn characters are influenced by ambitious, hardworking Saturn. They’re most likely to be the biscuit snob of the zodiac and prefer classic, subtle flavours and respectable heritage. Money is no option if their biscuit preference shifts their neighbours’ eyebrows a touch.
Zodiac biscuits: Rich Tea/Duchy Originals
Aquarians are influenced by eccentric, erratic Uranus, which imbues them with a downright odd taste in biscuits. These quirky characters can be both traditional and yet, before their time, depending on the phase of the Moon, day of the week or the company invited round for a cuppa.
Zodiac biscuits: Garibaldi, Happy Faces
Pisces is often unkindly referred to as the ‘dustbin of the zodiac’, as they are supposed to contain a little of the previous 11 signs. Piscean people are ruled by confusing, dreamy Neptune which suffuses them with chaotic, indulgent taste in food and drink. As Pisces is a water sign they’re the most likely sign to dunk – preferably in whisky-laced coffee!
Zodiac biscuits: Broken Biscuits, Jammie Dodgers